"I am unlovable."
"Why would someone ever love someone so broken?"
"I am not worthy of true love."
"I am too damaged."
"I am too shy."
"Too much has happened."
"I am too insecure."
"I've done too much."
"I am too needy."
"I love too hard."
"No one truly loves me."
These are the lies I fed myself over and over again.
I've been single for almost 3 years now, but before that I was always in a relationship. One after another, I never wanted to be alone.
In my episode "I am weak," I talk about my abusive relationship and how my mind was so messed up from everything that my only deal breaker was cheating. I went from a 6 year relationship filled with lies and cheating, that I didn't care what the guy I was currently dating did to me, as long as he didn't cheat on me. Well inevitably it happened...
It was honestly a blessing in disguise when I found out that he had been cheating on me, because I was finally able to be free of my abuser, but at the time it felt like the worst thing in the world. I felt so unlovable and thought I had missed out on my chance at love. I had been trying so hard and made so many excuses for these people that I loved so much just to find out that they didn't love me the way that I loved them.
I went through such a dark period after this happened and I let my anxiety overcome me. I kept replaying the moment in my head of me telling him that I was done and he said "Finally... I can get rid of you. I've been trying so hard to get your crazy ass to leave me." I didn't understand how he could say that to me and feel no remorse for cheating on me and everything he put me through. And the fact that he took such extreme measures to make me leave instead of just breaking up with me made me feel even worse.
I hated this feeling of being alone, weak, unworthy, and unlovable that I tried to do everything I could to mask these feelings. I would talk to ex's, that I knew weren't good for me, just to try and feel better and like someone loved me. I would get on these dating apps and talk to people and then just stop talking to them and leave before they left me, I had this void in my heart that I was trying to fill.
In October of 2017 I ended up losing my job because of my anxiety, You can listen to the full story here. I let my anxiety and depression over come me and I didn't even want to leave my house. In January of 2018, I started doing network marketing which led to my journey of personal development and strengthening my relationship with God.
I started doing affirmations everyday. Some of the affirmations I would say are:
"I am loved."
"I am enough."
"I am loving."
"I am passionate."
"I am full of abundance."
"I am a child of God."
"God loves me."
"God gave his only son to forgive me of my sins."
"God is love."
You can write down these affirmations and say them out loud or look in the mirror and say them.
It wasn't until I strengthened my relationship with God that I started to truly feel loved. I found the truth in these scriptures:
"See what great love the father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God. And that is what we are! The reason the world does not know us it that it did not know him."
-1 John 3:1
"Dear friends, let us love another, for love comes from God. Everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God. Whoever does not love, does not know God, because God is love."
-1 John 4:7-8
""And so we know and rely on the love God has for us. God is love. Whoever lives in love lives in God, and God in them."
-1 John 4:16
"The Lord appeared to us in the past, saying "I have loved you with an everlasting love; I have drawn you with unfailing kindness."
-Jeremiah 31:3
"For God so loved the world that he gave his only son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life."
-John 3:16
If you have ever felt unlovable, just know that God loves you. You are a precious child of God and he will never stop loving you. A love that true never fades.
I pray that you feel God's love and his arms wrapped around you in the times that you feel unlovable. I pray that you know that you are loved, you are worthy, and you are deserving of true love. I pray that you lean on God through every aspect of your life and you spread God's love to others. In Jesus name, Amen.
Never forget to choose faith over fear.
-Lorena Camille
(Faith Fuels My Fire)
p.s. If you'd rather listen to Faith-based, business, mindset, and mental health tips, then check out my podcast. There I will share my personal experiences, stories I've never told before, and bring you along the hot mess life of mine. New episodes every week.
You can also follow me on Instagram (_lorenacamille_.) I'll be posting frequently and doing daily stories. I'll follow you back :)
Want to be apart of a community of Christian women coming together, supporting, motivating, inspiring, and loving each other? Join our Facebook Community
Comments